the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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