Your dad touched me again.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
