hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
