I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
