Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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