I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
