i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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