its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
