fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
