So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
