whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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