so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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