Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
