Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
