I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
