if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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