I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
