so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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