I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
