just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
