You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
