its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
