absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Who wears a wallet chain?!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
