God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
