if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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