: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
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