he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
