You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
