who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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