Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
