DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
