Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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