I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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