I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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