Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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