Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
