haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
