i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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