You kept calling me your small dog last night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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