We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
