My friends, they love my intelligence
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
