Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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