Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
