Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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