Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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