This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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