they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
