I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
