Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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