just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
